Insane Emails 2
Since I’ve branched out into the online business space, I’ve been absolutely bombarded with emails seeing if I need their services.
They’re either for calebhintoncopywriter.com, which is simply a portfolio, or they’re for gamingkingpin.com, which I don’t work on anymore.
Normally it’s for SEO services or other forms of marketing.
Some of these emails have some very odd qualities which make me never want to reply.
Here is a scoop of some which I thought were most insane.
Wavy colours & Halloween offer
This email looks like when I was a kid in my ICT lesson and we were learning how to use bold, highlight and change the font colour.
Also, a Halloween offer?
Brands, listen up. Not every holiday has to be a promotional offer.
Greetings for the day
I can imagine this written on a scroll it’s so eloquent.
But maybe a bit over the top.
Straight out of the morgue
John Doe is contacting me.
He then switches from I to We. But who is we? Spooky.
Maybe this is the Halloween special?
“It’s not, well it’s not right.”
I can feel the sheer exasperation from them about my site being bad.
“I don’t want to impose, but *imposes*”
Also, who is Major Brownell that this is addressed to?
Are you happy?
Am I enjoying a happy life?
What is a happy life? And do I lead one?
I remember Christopher Hitchens when asked in an interview if he considers himself a happy person said:
“You often find that whenever you ask yourself the question ‘am I happy?’, you’ll find that you’re often less happy than you thought, otherwise, you wouldn’t be asking — the mind is on such a knife edge.”
Didn’t read the rest of the email.
The email I send
I can’t critique these emails and then not reveal my own for public scrutiny.
If you want to know the email I send to get clients, I’ve clearly outlined my whole process in this post:
I go for a simple process, which I have found to work.
Say hello, and ‘hope you’re well’
Ask them if they’re interested in ‘service’. Refer to them by name and their company
Say ‘let me know’
Provide a nice link and sales funnel
Leave them to make the choice
It’s far more engaging and takes far less time. And the less spam in the world the better.
Plus, nobody likes to be sold to. Everyone wants to think they made the decision themselves.
I would urge anyone sending these emails to cut the fat and keep it simple.